I Was Once a Loyal Lover

For the past few weeks, I've been listening to "I Was Once a Loyal Lover" from Death Cab for Cutie's "Open Door EP." It kind of caught in my head, but I never really listened to the lyrics. I just read them, and it's pretty much exactly what I'm going through right now. To quote:

I was once a loyal lover
Whose lips did never seek another's
But now each love's more like a match
A blinding spark that burns out fast

Basically, my read is that I was stuck in boring relationships. Now I love them quickly and then burn it out. Still isn't what I'm looking for.

And you can't even begin to know
How many times I've told myself "I told you so"
And you can't even begin to believe
There's so many bridges engulfed in flames behind me

At every point in my life so far (at least for the past five years or so), Death Cab has released songs that are personally relevant to me. Ben Gibbard must be able to read my mind (or maybe I'm just going through some standard angst).

I was hanging out with a female friend today, and we were talking about relationships. I realized that my biggest problem is that I'm intimidated by girls who I am interested in. When I'm not terribly interested, I have no problem going after them. We hook up, but I lose interest pretty much as soon as we have sex. However, when I'm really interested, I get intimidated and wuss out. I usually come up with a lame excuse for why I'm not going to go for them (like I'm leaving town). There is one girl who I will probably have a crush on forever because I never made a move before I left Boston. The signals were ambiguous at best, but that could just be my back-rationalization.