Being Realistic

I took a month off from reading or posting to a certain pickup-related bulletin board. When I got back, I realized just how weird it all is. One thing I have noticed is a lot of guys are completely delusional about their abilities. I mean, guys who are virgins are bragging about their skills. Guys who don't appear to be all that good talk about how they are better than everyone they know. One guy has hundreds of posts, and is constantly giving advice to anyone who listens. When he wrote a vague 1-year post and a newbie asked him about his results, he admitted that his cold approach game isn't all that good, and that he hasn't really approached much until recently.

I think that it all comes back to the Kruger-Dunning effect. About ten years back, some psychologists compared perceived performance at various tasks with actual performance. The group that performed the worst drastically overestimated their performance, while the best group underestimated their performance. If you want to read the whole thing, go here

I have heard some skilled PUAs mention that the guys who get the best are the ones who always think that they aren't all that good. Once you get cocky about your skills, it's all over. Good thing that I still think I suck at this...

I almost want to stop reading community shit altogether and focus on just trying to be a cool normal guy. I'm not proposing that I stop going out, but rather that I drop the whole "pickup" frame and terminology. Instead of going out "sarging," I can "go to bars with my friends and hit on girls." I kind of wonder why guys who have gotten pretty good stay in this community (not that many of them do). Some of it comes down to wanting to help others, but their is some sort of need for validation that people have. I enjoy helping newer guys to build their skills, but the weirdness factor is really high.

Alright. Time to get back to work...