Blowing out the Venue

So on Friday night, I went out with absolut_beirut and cafepuck. We had a fantastic time.

I started out by going solo to one of the standard venues right as it opened. There was almost no one there, so I set my goal at opening five sets. This wasn't hard, and helped to get me into state. Here are some highlights. I ended up crashing a birthday party (I opened one set and then bounced to another adjacent set and asked "are you with the party?" That got me in, even though I told them that I wasn't with the party. The second set was a mixed 2-set who appeared to be together (we talked about the Simpsons for a while).

I remember talking to another chick at the bar - her boyfriend was there. I seem to end up talking to a lot of girls with boyfriends or husbands - often times they are in the venue but not in the set. I think that part of my goal of being nonreactive is plowing on in the face of this sort of adversity. I'm totally uninterested in stealing a girl from her boyfriend, but if I can hang in when there is a real boyfriend, the fake boyfriends can go fuck themselves.

Opening mixed sets has been interesting - I find that they are actually together a lot more than 20% of the time. Although, now that I think of it, when there is a real boyfriend, he is often off on the side chatting with his buddies. The only guys who hang around the girls are orbiter chodes who want to date her.

I opened a seated two-set, who seemed pretty cool. We talked for a little while (I made fun of the target's chocolate martini) - I'm guessing that they were a little older. I should have gone for the digit jack, but didn't.

Next I bounced to Faneuil Hall. The first venue had a long line, so we met up outside and bounced elsewhere.
We went into an Irish Pub-type place, and started opening. My first set hooked (the chick works for an auction house), and I digit jacked.

Nothing else seemed to go all that well at the first venue - I opened some girls who turned out to be with their boyfriends. They were the hottest girls in the bar, so I had to open. I actually plowed through after they told me that they were with boyfriends - I have gotten a lot better at doing this.

AB opened a 2-set who called him out on being a pickup artist. They had seen the VH1 show, and thought the whole thing was amusing. I went in to wing him, but he managed to do alright by himself, so I ejected.

Cafepuck opened and ran this cougar set for a while. There was a pretty cute cougar with her UG friend in the corner of the bar. No one was talking to them, so he saw it as his civic duty to go and open. I started winging him after a while, and took the friend. After a while, he digit jacked, and we moved on to the next venue.

We bounced to our final destination for the evening, a 3-level dance club. The basement is for dancing (super-loud), while the upper two floors are more club-like. We opened every single set in the venue. This was fun, and it was great to be able to say "we can leave because we literally opened every set here."

I can't remember every set, because there were many. Sometimes, I would eject from a set and immediately open the next group I saw - this is powerful because your state doesn't fade if you can stay constantly in set. I think that I might try doing that more often - even if I have to open guys, I have to talk to the next group of people I see as soon as I come out of set.

I opened a set upstairs, and Cafepuck came in to wing. He ended up getting his girl to dance with him - she was super into him. My target told me that she is engaged, but he managed to get her number. She was really cute. I kind of blew out with my target - she was seated and I was standing. This caused it to stall out after a while.

At the very end, I opened a 2-set at the bar. I had seen them a couple of times, and knew that I had to open them. The obstacle was a real biznatch - she was busy with her drink when I entered, so I didn't talk to her and went immediately for her cute friend - big mistake. She noticed that I had been talking to everyone, and decided to call me out on it. I should have just plowed through. I didn't argue with her, but I wasn't completely nonreactive. On the way out, I waved at the target, and she waved back and smiled. The obstacle was busy, so I should have gone in and attempted to rescue digits, but for some reason I didn't.

When there was nothing left to open (and they had stopped letting new people in), we headed out. Cafepuck actually digit jacked a girl on the way out - we had been talking to them earlier.
Her friend was super-hot, and I was kind of afraid to talk to her because she was so cute. She was also surrounded by guys. I need to get better at that.

Lessons learned:
- Going out alone is a great way to get in state. Maybe going out alone is a great thing to do, period. Funny how its stigmatized, because when you think about it, the only way to get friends when you don't have any is to go out alone.
- Girls who are surrounded by guys are often better targets than girls who are alone or with other girls.
- You have to hit approach indifference, where it doesn't affect you to approach a set. You just go in, and talk to them like you were talking to the last group of people.
- Bounce from set to set. As soon as you stop, your state falls.
- Plow. Keep talking. Sometimes a set will be going nowhere, you plow, and then magically it hooks.
- GO FOR THE DIGIT JACK. Come on, this one isn't that hard.

Plowing

So everyone has off nights. Tonight was one of those for me. I'm not sure what happened, but I wasn't feeling into it. That's not an excuse, so I went out anyways. I had a good group of wings with me.

I opened set after set, and blew out of most of them. That's ok. This shit makes you better. Hopefully an "off night" in a few months will be on the level of my shining nimbus right now.

I'm too tired to think, so I'm going to bed. Goodnight moon.

Life Update

So it has been a while since my last post. Rather than trying to catch up, I think that I will just post a brief update, and resume the regularly scheduled programming tomorrow night.

So I have had two full closes in the last week and a half. This is a big development for me. Since getting into this, I hadn't closed a girl (come to think of it, I may not have even kissed a girl, with the exception of some online dates that came to nothing). One of them was from a number close that I reported about before. Another one was from social circle game. I was heavily socially proofed, but I did manage to get a SNL, which was huge for me. I think that this is testament to my rapidly improving inner game.

I think that I got one new number last week (I was out of town last weekend visiting family), which turned into a reasonably successful D2. I got a k-close, and should hopefully be following up with a D3 in the next few days. I have noticed that I spend the whole D2 kino escalating in preparation for the k-close. This frames for a full close on D3. You definitely have plenty of comfort built up with a 3-hour D2 and a 3-hour D3, which makes the close fairly easy (not much LMR).

I sort of wonder whether I could compress the time window by escalating more aggressively during D2, going for the k-close within the first hour, and then taking the next two hours to build to the close. I'm sure that some of the more experienced guys could give me some pointers here.

I'm still running good sets that aren't number closing (there were at least two last week). I need to ask for the number whenever I run a good set. It should be like a reflex. Getting there, but not quite there yet.

I've also noticed that I'm closing 6s, where I want to be closing 8s and 9s. I think that getting to the point where I can regularly close 6s is important if I want to be able to move up. Baby steps.

Last night, I went out with one of the best guys in Boston. I was truly humbled. The venue was ridiculously difficult - lots of attractive women and ridiculously loud music. I kept trying to open, but had very little success. He told me that you open, kino, number close, and that's about it. I think that I could eventually get the hang, but I'm not there yet. I need to work on my game to the point where I project alpha to even the most attractive women. That's going to come from opening until I am completely non-reactive. I definitely took some time to bask in chodiness.

Day 4

Tonight I tried something new. My goal was to open as many mixed sets as possible.

First I went to a dinner social event, and talked to some girls. One was smoking, and the other was cute. The smoking one was getting a lot of attention. I could hold her, but it was a lot of work and someone distracted me while I was talking to her. I could have gone back in, but I got lazy and worked on the other one. The attraction was on pretty much instantly, and I ended up with her number. In hindsight, she was going home and I probably could have pulled her out with me. Lesson learned.

I went out to Allston with some school friends, and Coldplayer met us out. I opened a few sets for fun. One was an UG with a tiara - it was her birthday. I also talked to some girls at the bar. One of them was cute, but I wanted to get back to my group (it was also easier to eject than to keep running).

I also saw some people I recognized - turns out they are Yelpers, and I have met one of them. I merged sets with the school friends, which was ok, but they didn't add much value to the interaction.

We bounced to the main Allston venue, and I decided to work on opening mixed sets. I opened a 4-set, which turned out to be a 2-set that some guys had approached. I blew them out instantly - they stuck around and gave me a priceless look. The set with the girls was ok - it can be challenging to run a 2-set, because you can't isolate the target unless a wing comes in and occupies her. I tried locking in with the target and running the obstacle over my shoulder. It actually worked for a while, but they eventually went down to dance with their friends (birthday party). I should have gone for the number, but I didn't because the target was in town for the weekend (although she is moving back here soon).

I opened another set - turns out that I had opened them before with another opinion opener - I suppose that girls get opened all the time with opinion openers. I should have stuck in for longer - they didn't seem disinterested in talking to me. But I ejected.

Next I opened a 5-set with 1 girl and like 4 guys. Not sure whether any of them was a BF. I asked them whether guys like Mixed Martial Arts and girls hate it. The guys were like "it's stupid." I think that they might have done it for the benefit of the girl. The girl said, "I love MMA. I've seen it live three times." Eject. Could have stayed in longer.

I'll give myself another point for today, because she was cute.

Day 3

This day is usually a going out night, but I didn't go out because I had a Day 2. Went pretty well, but the logistics got screwed up so all I got was a kiss. Trying to set up a D3.

Day 1

I actually got my first number close before this challenge started. So I'll start the challenge early and describe the close. I went to a large, loud venue for a school event. So, like at any other school event, I tried to talk to some new people but ended up talking to mostly acquaintances.

Some of them were people I knew, and a few were new. I made a few key mistakes here. The venue was so loud that even though I project my voice a lot, they still couldn't hear me. Basically, you have to talk into the other person's ear, and they talk into your ear. I didn't figure this out, and essentially blew out on people who I already knew.

I was getting frustrated, and wanted to leave. I resolved to talk to some girls who I didn't know. A guy I knew was talking to two fairly attractive girls. I went in - turned out that they were from another school, and just happened to show up at our event. I ran both of them, and managed to number close the cuter of the two in a few minutes.

On the T home, I opened a mixed 3-set. Turns out that the girl was one of the guys' girlfriend, but she was giving me clear IOIs. She asked my my name, and seemed disappointed when I got off. This gave me the idea that I should try to open mixed sets more often.

One point.

30-day Challenge Number 2

So its on to bigger and better things - I'm now announcing 30-day challenge number two. The goal this time is to pull 20 numbers. Day game and night game count. Girls I meet at social events don't count, unless they are at least a 7.

It doesn't matter if the numbers flake - in fact I don't even have to follow up with them (although that would be recommended). The goal is to close numbers. The act of getting a number (or trying) does more than just giving you a chance to see her again. It gives you a valuable piece of information about her. I think that all of my challenges should revolve around getting signals. Hooking a set is a signal. Getting a number is a signal. And so on.

Here are the outcomes that I foresee when you try to get a number (in ascending order). We will see what actually happens, and how these align with reality.
1) She doesn't like you, and doesn't give it to you.
2) She likes you a little bit, and gives you a number with no intent to ever pick up (or she gives you a fake number)
3) She likes you, but something wasn't quite on. So rather than not pick up, she won't take your number.
4) She likes you, and is interested in seeing you again. So she gives you her number happily when you ask.
5) She asks for your number (this is probably the highest level of compliment).

Ok. Enough of this for now. The challenge starts on Thursday (that way I get five weekends to complete it).

Day 30+

So it has been a while since I posted. The reason is that I spent about ten days in Asia, and didn't have traditional field reports to write. I did force myself to go out every night but one, but I couldn't talk to anyone because I don't speak a word of Chinese or Japanese.

Fortunately, there are lots of loud venues where that doesn't matter. On one particular night at a huge club in Shanghai, I felt up a cute little Asian chick on the dance floor. That was pretty sweet - never had that happen before. I did a lot of approaches, but the number three sticks in my mind.

I have noticed that I can only approach when I'm in the presence of friends. It doesn't matter whether they are helping me - for some reason I am conditioned to be afraid of approaching when I have no one nearby. On Friday, I was at the MFA for first friday. I walked around the place, lost, until some of the Lair guys showed up. Then I opened a set in the room, walked into the other room, and opened another set. At no point did I have a wing, but some psychological switch flipped and I could approach.

I'm going to close this by posting something that I wrote for the BL. I went out on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, and to the GSF for daygame on Saturday, so I did 20+ approaches this weekend. I'm not sure that posting a field report is going to be be that useful, and I'm too tired.

I'm going to declare this 30-day completed. Sure it took a bit longer than 30 days, but if I had one more weekend in town (or in the US for that matter), I would have completed it.

Here are some takeaways that I noticed from this weekend:

- I need to get in the habit of asking for the number. I have a lot of sets where I should, but I don't. I'm sure that some of them will flake, but its just a step on the way to escalating the full close.
- I'm definitely doing significantly better. My inner game is better than it used to be, and my skills are sharper. People smile at me when I walk down the street.
- I still have inner game issues. I guess that pretty much everyone will always have inner game issues. Inner game is the game, and its all about incremental improvement.
- I'm getting more shit tests. Interestingly, I got far fewer shit tests than before at the more laid back bar I went to on Thursday, and more at the mega-club on Saturday. A couple of times, girls shit-tested me when I delivered the opener. They didn't ignore me - they told me in slightly nicer words to fuck off. In both situations, I stayed in for a little while, and they didn't completely shut me out. I think that had I successfully plowed through the shit, the set would have opened nicely. I just didn't strike them as quite high-value enough to open them, so they shit tested me. But I'm guessing that I was close. The last time that girls tried to shit test me out of opening, I walked away with my tail between my legs. I think that the proper strategy in this case is to neg the target (who is inevitably the one who tries to blow you out), and then plow through.

Overall, the change in shit test patterns could mean that my skills have improved to the point where I'm congruent enough for the easier venue, but something isn't quite on at the harder venue. I was also a bit off on Saturday, so that could have been part of the problem.

Anyways, I'm proud of myself and my progress. This stuff isn't easy. I'm doing well. If you told me that I would be going out to clubs and talking to random girls, I wouldn't believe you. The same way that I don't really believe that I will ever be pulling. But its going to happen - I know it deep down somewhere although the prospect frightens me.
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So over the past few days, I have started to notice some patterns in my behavior.

I usually go into a set with a canned opener (I change it up fairly often to keep things fresh), and then pretty much run natural from there. I typically thread change off the opener pretty quickly, because you can only talk about "tigger or eeyore?" for so long without sounding silly. When I first started out, my goal was to thread change once off the opener, and then I could eject, but over time I've managed to hook and then stay in set for longer and longer. During day game, I can typically run for as long as I want, but at night, I find that sometimes I eject from a set that seems to be going quite well. From what I can reconstruct, I get nervous for some reason, and when that happens, I freeze up and don't know what to say next. Typically I'll eject, although sometimes i brave it out and stay in.

If I let more than a few seconds go by, I often blow out at this point (I remember one set on Friday in particular). I think that it happens because I look awkward when I get nervous and don't know what to say, and the girl can instantly sense the vibe. When I manage to keep cool, I can usually resurrect the set and keep going, but that doesn't always happen. Something tells me that rolling out and switching places with one of the girls might be helpful and give me a few seconds to collect myself, but I'm not sure.

One of my regular wings and I have discussed this. One solution we have come up with is to have some stories canned and ready to go for those situations (kind of like when the band takes a break and they put on some music in the interim). I think that's a solid plan, although I remember when I first got started and couldn't hold a set worth shit. I thought, "I'll just come up with a routine stack that I can run, and that will be that." Well, a whole bunch of approaches later, I still don't have a routine stack, but I manage to hold sets ok. When I'm on, I do the right thing at the right time (well, at least for my level), but when I'm off, it doesn't matter. I guess that when I'm off, I also get blown out with openers that usually work well for me.

Thoughts? One thing that just occurred is that this may just be an indication that I'm doing better. Before, I usually blew out while delivering the opener, and rarely managed to hook a set. With the exception of clubs like Gypsy, I have started to hook a significant percentage of my sets (another way to say this is that I'm hooking 6s-8s but not 9s and 10s). Maybe some part of me just hasn't accepted that, and sometimes my brain does a double take. Hopefully I will get used to that as I get more experience.

Another thing I've noticed is that a lot of times I run a fairly solid set, but then don't ask for the number. I stay in set for a reasonable length of time, have a good conversation, the girl seems interested, etc... but then for some reason I say goodbye without attempting to close (another situation is that the girl gets pulled away by a friend who had left us alone for a few minutes). Groove was working on this with me at the GSF, but I was unable to ask for the number. I think it has to do with fear of rejection. Judging from the way that the sets have been going (I get plenty of IOIs), I'm pretty sure that I would get some of these numbers if I asked. And even if I struck out, that would give me valuable information about my performance.

I'm working on trying to can a number close routine - I guess this is why a lot of the gurus have developed kiss close routines. Its easy to keep the interaction on the same level that its going on, but elevating the interaction takes conscious work.