A Tale of Two Blown Dates

So I've had a lot of blown dates recently (meaning that I didn't get laid, and didn't end up with another date). In the past week, I've had two. Here is a brief recap of the two.

First Date
I met this girl at an event thrown by some people that I sort of know. She was an acquaintance of an acquaintance. She came in late, and we started talking. It was going pretty well - she was teasing me a lot. Then the guy who invited her to the party pulled her away so that he could introduce her to his loser friend. I went and talked to some people I knew, and then reopened. She wasn't all that interested in talking to him, but the guy who had invited her saw that I had taken over the set, and came in to blow me out. Considering that he will have other parties, I tried not to make a big deal out of it. I wrote it off and left with some friends.

However, she added me on Facebook a day or two later. I did a pretty good job at teasing her via FB messaging, such that she was pretty much begging me to go out with her (texted me unsolicited several times). We agreed to meet up on a Saturday afternoon to see a movie (at a local independent theater). Normally I wouldn't take a D2 to a movie, but I wanted to see this film, and it seemed appropriate.

We met up a couple of hours before the movie, and went for some lunch. That seemed to go ok. I found out that she was really conservative (I'm fairly liberal). This didn't bother me - it may have even increased the interest level. Kinoed a bunch, and we had a good conversation. Can't remember what we talked about - it didn't matter.

Then we went to the movie. Obviously, we didn't talk during the movie (well we did, but got shushed by someone sitting next to us). I took her hand, and held it for a good part of the movie. The movie was great - I was glad that I went, irrespective of the date.

Then, she said "what's next?" I decided to walk her back to my neighborhood. I tried to hold her hand, but she rejected it. She was obviously interested on some level by virtue of spending so much time with me (4+ hours at this point), but I interpreted this as an IOD. She could be somewhat prude. Intuitively, I should have walked her by my house, and tried to get her in, but I took her a different way.

We went to a local restaurant for dinner, and had a pretty good time. We did talk a lot about religion (she is Christian, I'm Jewish), which wasn't necessarily a plus, and more about politics (not an argument, but we clearly didn't see eye-to-eye). We hung out for several hours, and then she went home. I didn't go for the kiss, which was probably a mistake.

Didn't followup to try to get another date.

Second Date
Met this girl online. At the surface, it looked like we had a lot in common. We messaged back and forth for quite a while (about two weeks), and then set up a date. My typical system is to try to get three or four messages back from the girl, and then seed a date idea into the conversation. Even if she can't do the original thing, she will usually say that she is interested in a date (in which case I pick something convenient to my house).

We met at a coffee shop. I probably screwed up here - we met for breakfast (my suggestion). We met at 10, and she had plans at around 12. I need to make sure to get an uninterrupted block of time (this has happened multiple times on dates).
We started talking, and we got breakfast. I noticed some awkward pauses early on - I worked hard to keep the conversation going, but when I come to think of it, she wasn't giving me all that much. She wasn't unresponsive - just not super-conversational. I think she is quiet, and not very social. Maybe I didn't hit any of her hot buttons (although we did talk about animals, which is one of her loves). Kept up the light kino - we were sitting at a table, but I picked a table where I could slide my chair around to get close to her. Didn't work perfectly, but better than the alternative.

It was raining pretty hard, so we couldn't really bounce elsewhere. I could have suggested the bounce back to my place, but it didn't seem appropriate. After about 1.5 hours, breakfast was played out. She decided to go home. Got a limp hug goodbye.

I think that I'm going to email her again with a neutral email. I'll see whether she responds.

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Here is an analysis of my sticking points:

1) Groundhog Day
I don't have a good groundhog day setup (credit Doc Holliday). The second date got closer, but wasn't ideal. I need a meeting place (a local cafe), a bounce location (a bar or dessert place), and some good reasons to bounce back to my place. I'm going to get a hookah, a Playstation 2 with SingStar, and some alcohol. I think that I'm uncomfortable with escalating the interaction because I feel nervous about bouncing the girl back to my place.

2) Aggressively Escalate
I don't escalate enough. I do kino on D2s, but probably don't ramp quickly enough. I usually don't go for the kiss until the end of the date. This probably has to do with anxiety. It also probably has to do with the setup not being conducive to escalation. I'm thinking that I should get to the point where I try and kiss her during the first bounce.

I also need to become tougher in the face of IODs. I have noticed that I tend to stop kino whenever I get an IOD (both in-set and on dates). This is wrong, and usually kills the interaction. What I want to do is to back off a bit and then start escalating again.

Finally, I need to get more comfortable with pulling the trigger. I have had girls in my room a number of times in the past several months, and have never successfully closed (the only closes were in the girl's room).

3) If it doesn't close on the First Date, try for a Second
Going on too many dates with the same girl (who you haven't closed) isn't a good idea. You get into the dating frame. However, it is fine to go out on two (or maybe even three) dates with a girl. A lot of times, I have a fairly good first date, but get down on myself because I didn't close. Then I don't try for another date. Or, worse yet, I get the second date but chode out on the escalation.