Outcome Independence

I had an interesting coaching call with Sinn about a month ago. He basically told me that I was too outcome dependent and try-hard, and that I needed to let go and have more fun. To be honest, that was probably the most accurate assessment that anyone had given me up to that point. Most of the assessments that I have gotten focus on symptoms rather than on the root cause. A few other people had told me similar things, but I had never really listened to them. I assumed that, by going out and approaching more sets, I would eventually cease to care. Not true. You can approach all that you want, but if you care about the outcome, you will continue to fall flat.

Being in the Moment
I think that the whole concept of being in the moment or the present is vital to defeating outcome dependence. Don't care about what happened during the last set, or what is going to happen at the end of this set. Just care about what's going on right now. What do you feel? What do you detect when you look at the girl's body language and eye contact? What are your primitive emotions telling you? If you're not listening to them, you probably should be.

Meditation
I've been workng hard to keep up with my meditation over the past few weeks. Every morning, I do an hour immediately after I wake up (don't pass go, don't check your email, don't collect $100, just sit on that cushion and focus on your body). Then I try to meditate whenever I have a few free moments during the day. Meditating on the subway ride to the club or the mall (if I'm doing day game) is a great way to totally relax myself, and defeat any outcome dependence. When I finish meditating, I'm content, and really don't care what happens. My first couple of sets are often the best of the night, rather than just warm-ups. It can be difficult to maintain this inner peace in the loud and busy club environment, but it definitely helps.

Observing Without Changing
I'm a control freak. This has made the concept of "observing without changing" an extremely difficult one to grasp. When something is wrong, I want to fix it, whether it be inside or outside of my control. Game involves a lot of unknowns that are impossible to control completely, so it can be counterproductive to try to consciously change things. The best attitude is to observe and move on. For example, I may notice that I'm getting a lot of BF objections when I open direct during the day, or that my sets aren't hooking. I can get discouraged, but this isn't going to help me. The best thing to do is to notice it, accept that, and keep going. A lot of times, once you know what the problem is, you will subconsciously make adjustments that self-correct.

My Goal
My goal is to be more self-aware and to understand and accept who I am. "Me" is a constantly changing concept - I will gradually become better over time, so long as I don't fight the changes. I am convinced that, if I can accomplish this goal, all of the other things I want in my life will gradually take care of themselves.

Wow, I'm really buying this Buddhist stuff, but it really seems to be helping my self-image and confidence. I'm feeling a lot more content than I was just a month ago (when I left for my Vipassana retreat). I'm sure that my inner feelings will continue to change and evolve over time (as everything is impermanent), but hopefully I can continue to accept them in the same manner as I move forward.