Day2s and Comfort

Postmortems
So I had 3 Day2s last week that, while 2 of them were fun, were ultimately unsuccessful. I say unsuccessful because my goal is to get laid more, and I'm not doing that right now. So I'm going to use this blog entry to do a postmortem. I wrote detailed FRs for two of them on the Boston Lair.

The first was with a foreign au pair. She was nice, but the connection wasn't there. I tried building comfort and kino escalating, but she just wasn't all that responsive. To be honest, I wasn't all that attracted to her (I met her over a month ago in a dark club). I think that I might need some heavy hitting shit (read canned material) for situations like this.

The second was with a girl that I met at an event thrown by a website that I use a lot. I met her through a girl I met at another event thrown by the same website. Things went well - I could have gotten the makeout the night I met her, but held out. She was excited for the Day2.

Day2 consisted of us vibing and me kino escalating. I may have told her some shit that convinced her I was crazy. She didn't want to go back to my place, but we did make out for a while at the end of the date. I'm pretty sure there was attraction - possibly there wasn't enough comfort. At the end of the date, she said something like "I had fun," and then went into her house.

I called her the next day, and she didn't respond. Not a good sign. I called again the following Sunday, and left another message. She called back the next day, but didn't leave a message (another bad sign). I called back the next day, and she was pretty cold. Attempted to chat, but she was nonresponsive. Told me that she was meeting a friend for dinner, and that she would call back later. Called back a couple hours later when I was out. Said that she would call back the next day. I didn't really want to prolong this, so I asked her if she wanted to hang out. She said no. I said ok, and we hung up. I probably should have asked her for a postmortem.

My analysis is that I didn't build sufficient comfort before the makeout. Based on her kissing, she doesn't have a lot of experience with relationships. I think that something I did scared her. Maybe I escalated too fast. I'm going to work on my comfort skills.

The third Day2 played a lot of games with me. She wouldn't go back to my place, but then we were making out like rabbits at a lounge in my neighborhood. She was older than me, and needed to be in control. I decided to next her because I'm not sure that I like her as a person. The postmortem on this on is that I need to pull back a bit more with some girls. Make them pursue it, rather than always trying to push forward with the interaction.

Maybe that's the pattern - I should be a bit less direct with my intentions, especially during the Day2.

Comfort Material
To the present, my comfort game has consisted of vibing about random things, including families, aspirations, etc. I'm working with a guy who is into canned material. I'm going to write out some DHV stories and a grounding routine. I figure that it couldn't hurt, and might make comfort easier. My current approach clearly isn't working, although I'm not certain why.

The problem is that I've had <10 D2s since I got into this, versus maybe 1000 approaches. Which makes it difficult to do rigorous analysis on why they aren't succeeding - its all anecdotal. As I continue with this, my D2 conversion rate should get higher.

Update:Densensitization
I had a realization regarding D2s, which is that I'm not desensitized to them. I'm far too reaction seeking and outcome dependent. When it comes to D2s, I definitely have the scarcity mentality. I would guess that this comes across to the girl. During D2s, I have started to escalate as quickly as possible, but I would guess that there is a neediness to it. The girl can tell that I want to get laid, and that is sabotaging my actually getting laid. I would guess that some percentage of girls want to get laid badly enough that they will go along, but most won't. What I need to do is to become desensitized to D2s. I shouldn't care whether I get laid on D2, because it doesn't fucking matter.

One way to do this is to have a lot of dates. I'm pretty sure that this will happen over time. The other thing I should think about is saying no to girls. At some point in the interaction, I sense that I have compliance to escalate the interaction, but rather than doing that, I push back a little bit rather than continuing forward. If I do it right, then the girl will come to me.

I see what they mean when they say that the game is played in comfort. This shit is hard.