Last Night

Self-Pity
So, last night I went out with one of my wings. This was the second time in as many nights that I went out, but really wasn't into it. I have kind of been on a self-pitying streak recently. I think that it goes back to taking rejection personally. For some reason, I have become desensitized to having my approaches rejected, but there is something completely different about screwing up a Day2. At least there is in my mind.

Validation
So I was thinking about whether it is possible to be completely internally validated. I think this is one of those things that the community perpetuates, but it seems like an impossible ideal. You need some external validation to be happy, at least in the long term. Sure, its possible to bootstrap, and to make yourself immune to short-term shifts in external validation, but most happy people have good things going on in their lives. The only people I can think of who are completely internally validated are monks. If everyone became a monk, then our society and ultimately our species would die out. Therefore, I think that there is some sort of evolutionary advantage to being externally validated, and it is genetically ingrained into us. At least that's my crackpot theory of the day (fun with evolutionary biology).

Mini-FR
Anyways, we bounced around, and opened some sets. I had one that went ok, although I wasn't so into the girl and they were ready to leave. She was touching my shirt though, so I think she was interested. This gorilla comes up to me (he is probably twice as wide as I am) and tells me that the girl is dating his friend. I'm like, that's fine. I wasn't doing anything inappropriate, so I have nothing to be ashamed of. I wonder why this happens - I wonder whether she has cheated on her boyfriend before. Its shit like this that actually makes me not care whether a girl has a boyfriend.

We go to this place where we have been before. My wing starts talking to this UG outside who had some decent-looking friends. I get inside, and notice that there is a girl in there who I number closed last week, but who hasn't returned any of my calls (as always, I have serious flake problems). I suddenly feel like shit, and want to go home. I mention it to my wing, and he is unsympathetic. I go home. On the way, I remember that some people from school are out drinking at a bar that is pretty much on the way. I stop by, and sure enough, they are there. We hang out for about an hour and a half (no sets opened during this time), and take the last T back to Cambridge.

I feel like I'm getting burned out, and have started to feel like this is a shallow pursuit. I think that I need to focus more on making friends, and less on sarging every night. Maybe I should cut back to three nights a week...