Mastery and the Quick Fix Mentality

Its kind of interesting - a lot of guys get into the community and expect to get good at this overnight. A lot of times, a guy posts a thread about how he is going to go out every night and get good. A lot of times, we never hear from that guy again. Or he goes at it for a few days or weeks, and then drops out. Maybe he figures it out later on, and comes back into it with the right mentality.

The Road to Mastery
When I look at most of the guys out there who have gotten good, I see a long path to Mastery. it seems pretty consistent that guys go out for six months to a year without any appreciable results. Maybe they get a lay or two, a few Day2s, and some makeouts. But things aren't really clicking, and most of the numbers flake. Then things sort of click, and they get some sort of regular lays. Maybe once a month for a year or so. Its still taking a lot more effort than they could ever imagine, and the quality of the lay is a lot lower than what they want. Then things click again, and things get more regular. Maybe they get five lays a month, or maybe they are able to go out a lot less and get the same results as before. Gradually, their skills improve.

I started reading "Mastery" by George Leonard again. I appreciate it even more reading it for like the third time. Its a quick read - I think that I'll try to reread it every couple of months. Interesting how when you read a book or listen to a product a second time, you get a lot of stuff that you missed the first time around. I listened to an audio product twice in succession, and was amazed by how much I missed when I listened to it for the first time.

A Summary of My Progress Thus Far
I'm pretty sure that I'm currently at my second plateau of development. When I started with this, I couldn't make good eye contact with a woman or hold a conversation for more than a minute or two. I couldn't hook a set off of a cold approach if my life depended on it. I started going out (opening with jealous girlfriend), and blew out every set for the first two weeks or so. I was overjoyed when I finally started to hook sets. I remember my first hooked set, at Vox. I started talking to two twin sisters, and happened to hook the engaged one.

Over the first couple of months, I made progress, until I could hold a set for five minutes. I still got nervous, and often ran out of things to say. I would occasionally number close, but not all that often. At month two, I took a bootcamp. I realized two things:

1) Canned openers are completely unnecessary (once you know how to open)
2) I wasn't using nearly enough kino

On bootcamp, I had my first ever club makeout. In the week after my bootcamp, I got a couple of lays. Unfortunately, my bubble burst, and I was unceremoniously dumped back where I started. So I basically began over again with opening, and got to the point where I could reliably open with "Hey. How's it going?" I started number closing a lot more, although most of those were flakes.

At this point, things stayed steady for a while. Sets were going ok. I was getting a few Day2s, but not too many. I kept going out a lot, and upped it to around five nights a week. Then one day, I figured out eye contact. I realized that you can gauge how much a girl likes you by how much eye contact she is making. And holding eye contact with her is a good way to build attraction. When you go into a set and a girl holds eye contact with you from the start, you can escalate almost immediately (this has led to some fast k-closes and makeouts).

The next realization I had was that I was opening a lot of sets who didn't interest me. Sure I was going out five nights a week and opening 10+ sets on at least three of those five nights, but there were a lot of 5s and 6s, and not too many 9s and 10s. I was holding myself back by not approaching the girls who I was really attracted to. I resolved to open fewer sets, but to make them really count. Natural attraction game works best on girls who you are genuinely attracted to.

Then I burned out. Maybe it was the lack of sleep due to going out almost every night, or maybe it was the frustration from having almost all of my numbers flake, but something needed to change. I decided to cut back my night game to three nights a week, and to do more day game. I focused less on getting numbers, and more on the quality of interaction. I went to some social events, and noticed that I see these in a completely different way. I can be the center of attention, where previously I was always the guy on the fringes of the conversation.

In night game, I do pretty well (at least relative to where I started). I open girls who are genuinely attractive to me, and don't have problems holding conversation. I do often get bored with the girls after a while, which is probably a symptom of me needing stronger conversation skills. I have a couple of good wings who I enjoy going out with, although my wing population has been in flux recently. For the first time, I find myself going out with guys who are more experienced with me, as well as some guys who are newer (I guess that I'm not a complete newbie any more).

So I feel like I'm on a plateau. Not sure where I need to go next. I think that I need to add back some kino to my game (I feel like I have backed off a bit recently), and focus on pushing interactions further. I feel like I can hold interactions, but am not necessarily getting enough attraction. I actually think that I am going to try working on some canned material and DHV stories (I have built up a decent grounding routine, and have had pretty good results).

I'm happy to say that its still fun, and that I enjoy going out most of the time. Five months in, things are going well.