Starting From Zero

I realized something important about pickup - it is the first time I have attempted to develop a skill that I had no innate ability in. I have worked really hard on developing skills before, but I usually was fairly good at them when I started. Sure, I worked hard, but I didn't come from nothing.

With pickup, I am developing something that I have truly sucked at for many years. I'm embarrassed to think about where I came from - I was born with pretty much no innate social ability. Where other people just innately know how to relate to people, I have had to teach myself pretty much everything. I came a long way before I got into the community, but still had miles and miles to go when I came in.

One problem with developing a skill you initially suck at is that you don't have a base to fall back on. I know some semi-naturals who have gotten into game. When they have an off night, they know at the core that they have some skills, and can fall back to that. They will still pull from time to time, even though maybe the women aren't as hot as they would like them to be. I don't have that privilege. When I have a shitty night, I go home alone, and have to think to myself that I might never have any success at this. Its hard going home night after night, knowing that you have failed to get off the ground. At the bottom, the successes are sporadic and small, and the setbacks large.

It makes you strong, though. When you earn it, you know that you did it, you climbed Everest from the bottom up. Whereas success with women is in a semi-natural's world view, it isn't currently in mine. Once I manage to get it in there, I will have succeeded. That's why I keep going - because I know that this will be a momentous accomplishment, at least for me, and I will learn to take myself from true failure to true success.