First Callback

I just got my first callback from a girl that I number closed. I actually didn't call her - she called me. I wasn't all that interested for a number of reasons (other than her looks - she was pretty cute), but its cool. I must be doing something right

Today was actually an interesting day. I went to a GSF, and got paired up with some newbies for day game. I was on the other side of the interaction. It was honestly pretty tough to help three newbies at the same time, so we got split up a lot. I tried to run my daygame stack, and didn't go all that far with it.

I need to open direct more often - it seems a lot easier than pussyfooting around with the logistical opener and then trying to transition.

Day 9

So today is my 9th consecutive day of sarging (I've been out 8 of 9 nights and a bunch of days). It actually feels good, and I want to keep going. At first I felt burned out from all the social stimulation (I'm naturally an introvert, although becoming less of one as the time goes on).

Some Notes:
- When I was only sarging 3X a week (thurs, fri, sat), it took me the first day to get back in the game. The next two days were progress. When I had a shit day, I was only havin one day of progress a week. You avoid that by not stopping - don't give yourself time to get weak.
- I've been learning to be higher energy, particularly when opening in loud dance-type clubs.
- I don't blow out all that much any more. The biggest problem is that sets don't always hook (I think that I'm more picky about what constitutes a hook these days).
- Not number closing as much as I would like. That's ok. I'm working on skills to strengthen my closes when they do happen.
- Jeet Kune Do: I'm working on a daygame stack with another community guy. Having a good stack that works will help my natural game. I think that routines are fine, and can help blast through some of my sticking points.
- I think that I need to come up with some more comfort routines.
- Always be trying new things. I'm working on Strawberry Fields right now. I ran it twice tonight - need to run it 8 more times before I can evaluate its effectiveness.

Opening the UG

So I was out last night with some wings, and realized that I make a fundamental mistake in a lot of my sarges. Typically, if I go into a set, I go in for the target right away. This is probably a bad idea, because you don't have any rapport with the rest of the set. This can lead to drag aways, or even to the target being cold to you. Let me qualify this a bit - I like to go in direct ("Hey. How's it going"). It is difficult to run this on more than one or two people, unlike a fancy canned opener, which I can run on three or more girls at the same time. So I have to pick, and my hunch is that I have been picking wrong.

It seems like the right approach is to go for the UG or obstacles, warm them up a bit, and then switch over to the target a few minutes later. Not too much later (one of my wings kept getting stuck with the UG because he stayed there too long), but when the set is warm. At this point, the target sees that you are already hooked in, so she has less reason to try to blow you out. There is also less probability of a drag away (because they have some sort of rapport with you).

Another mistake that I make is standing behind the set for too long. It is hard to carry on a conversation with someone who is standing behind you. Even if I have to lock in and talk to the UG (because that's the only place to lock in), that's fine for the time being. I can then move her to get access to her friend. This should be something that I practice.

Another lesson learned: Monday after a long weekend is pretty dead. And girls who are watching the game in a sports bar are more interested in the game than being hit on.

Going out Alone

So I went out alone tonight. It was the first time that I've been out alone that I really had fun. I could have gone out with friends, but had to do some work on my 30-day challenge (I had only been out once by myself since starting it, and although I'll give myself credit because I went out alone, I didn't open 5 sets and didn't attempt a number close).

Anyways, I went to a local club that was having an event tonight (I've vowed to stop going to places that charge cover, but it was only $5 tonight). As I got in there, I saw a cute two-set. Now I have set it as a personal goal to always open the first set that I see as I walk into a bar or club. No hesitation, no going to the bathroom - you walk in, and you approach. Bang. Tim actually talked about this on his conference call, but I realized this a few weeks ago.

So anyways, I approached, and plowed for about 10 or 15 minutes. The girls were reasonably receptive, but the set didn't hook hard. They were like "you're not from around here," and then said that I was too friendly to be from New England. I could have stayed in as long as I wanted, but I wanted to go check out the upper floors. So I left.

Walked up the stairs, all the way to the dance club at the top. I had been to this venue before, but only to hang out at the bar or play pool. I didn't know that they had a dance club up there, or at least I hadn't seen it before. Wasn't that busy, but the music was pretty good. I opened a seated two-set, but after plowing for a while, it wasn't really going anywhere. I decided to eject.

Opened another two set, who were in town from New York for the weekend. They were really friendly, but a few minutes after I came in, the Fire Alarm went off. The club was evacuated, and the fire engines came. False alarm. I talked to a few people while we were outside, but not much happened.

I went back in, and opened a seated three-set. That one went pretty well - I hooked the target and was having a good conversation with her. They didn't have a ride back, so they left to take the T back home. I should have gone for the digit jack, but I didn't. I don't know why I am so afraid to go for the number - I think that it has to do with preserving state.

Next I opened a standing two-set. There was a guy in there when I came. I'm pretty sure that he was a PUA - he was framing one of them as the leader and the other as the follower. I just stayed in there and talked to both girls and acknowledged his presence. My read (by looking at them) was that he was doing well but maybe trying a bit too hard. After a few minutes, he ejected to go back to his friends. I stuck in for a while longer, and they invited me to go upstairs and dance with them. One of the girls (the cute one) was Peruvian, and the other was Mexican (I think).

I spent the next hour dancing with the Peruvian, with periodic breaks when she looked tired. I tried hard to escalate physically, but was unable to kiss her (she seemed into the physical escalation, but didn't seem to want to kiss me for some reason). At some point, I got her number. She was really amazed that I was out alone (I think that two sets asked whether I was there alone. I didn't feel at all awkward about it, and I don't think that they cared).

When we were seated, her friend came back and got her stuff. From what I can tell, she was too drunk and got kicked out. They had to go home, so that ended.

I opened one more seated set at the bar, but didn't really try to plow nearly hard enough. I walked home.

This was a good night. It showed me that going out alone can be fun. You just have to be completely self-validated. It helps when you have a set hook hard and can hang out with them for an hour or two (it is probably harder when everything blows out and you have to constantly be opening).

Active Disinterest

So, after Saturday night's realizations, I spent some time thinking about how to show less interest. I talked to Stallion a bit about this, and he had some useful thoughts as well.

One thing I thought about is that I show too much interest with my body language. At first, I had a problem with not locking in (I would stand where I opened for the duration of the set). Eventually, I learned to lock in. However, my lock-in usually involves facing the target directly, and getting as close as possible.

One thing that I have discovered to work is to stand side-by-side with the target, head facing towards her. She will move to face you if she is interested (it actually happens pretty quickly). I usually try to repeat this once (not sure whether this helps).

I might also want to be more playful with my kino. A lot of my kino involves intentional touches to the arms or back. I might want to start a bit more informally. Thumb war seems to work pretty well (high five a girl, grab her hand, and thumb war her).

So what Stallion told me fundamentally changed my perception of the course of a set. My previous view was that it is important to stay in set for as long as possible. When you are a newbie, this can be a good thing. However, by virtue of staying in set, you inherently telegraph interest. Eventually, the target starts wondering why this guy is talking to her for so long. Especially if you run natural game and aren't playing dancing monkey.

So instead, why not excuse yourself mid-thread and come back later? You can go talk to friends, or better yet, open another set. Several minutes later, you show up again, and step right back in where you were.

In fact, I unintentionally did this on Friday night. I opened a set, ran it for a while, and then wondered where my wing was, so I ejected. Later on, I saw the girls in the other room. The target smiled and waved at me. Its funny how most of what you unintentionally do right can be explained logically once you develop the proper tools.

This is key for solo gaming, where you don't have a wing to occupy the obstacle. Something I have learned is that the obstacle WILL inevitably drag the target away from you. This doesn't necessarily mean that the target isn't interested in you - I think that by default the obstacle assumes that the target isn't having a good time and tries to drag her away after a preset time. I used to view this as a "blowout," but now I kind of see that it is just a signal to move on (or that you should have already moved on). By moving around, and talking to everyone, you do two things. First of all, you build up social proof, and aren't the lone wolf there just to mack on chicks. But you also build value by only spending a few minutes with each group at a time (until you pick your target, at which point you gradually start spending more and more time with her). I'm guessing that is how Stallion runs his game.

Previously, I had thought that a set ended when the drag-away happened. You couldn't stand around looking like a chode and losing value - the only option was to eject and move forward. As someone who is learning to be non-reactive, I don't cry over spilled sets, and put them out of my mind as soon as I am no longer engaged. But this might not be strictly correct, and could even be a bit counterproductive.

Last night, my final set was actually going pretty well when the target went to get a drink. She said "stay there," or something of the sort. I had to go home, so I left, but had I wanted to, I should have opened another set, ran it for a while, and then gone back. Something else to try would be to back-merge the new set ("let's make some new friends").

And so the plot thickens. There is so much more to learn, when I was hoping for a quick realization that would allow me to figure this out once and for all. I wonder when I will get to the bottom of the rabbit hole?

Showing Interest and Embracing the Pain

So this post was going to be about how I'm frustrated and want to quit, but every time that happens, I come to a realization that puts me back on track. This isn't easy - we all have bad nights. I have had a bunch, or at least I have felt myself plateauing.

So I recently have gotten to a place where I can consistently open a set, hold it, and even get a number. I rarely run out of things to say any more, and can talk pretty much ad infinitum. But the number always flakes. Maybe I can get her to text me back, but Day 2s aren't really happening all that often. Its a numbers game, and I'm not winning on the numbers. This has been a source of great angst recently - what good is it to be able to talk to any girl you want if you can't get her to date you.

A lot of sets seem to be going well, but just fizzle out after a while. I know that I could get the number at the end of most of my sets, but I'm pretty sure that she won't ever pick up, so I often don't bother.

I have started noticing some patterns recently. Often times, I will be talking to a girl and kinoing/moving forward. She edges back slowly, even though she is clearly interested in me and what I'm saying. Tonight, I edged a girl back into the bar. It was sort of amusing, because she was reinitiating even as she moved back.

So I have known for a few days at least that the problem is insufficient attraction. But I couldn't figure out what was happening - I have gotten much better at giving sufficient kino, among other things. But things didn't click.

Let's go to tonight. I went to a house party at cafepuck's house. There were a bunch of attractive girls - I talked to several of them. Each time, I was able to engage them in conversation, but couldn't get attraction. I got frustrated after a while, and left. The T had stopped running, and I didn't have enough cash for a cab, so I walked back towards home.

On the walk back, I thought about quitting, throwing in the towel. Then I realized that everyone has times like this - it is what separates those who succeed from those who don't. Only 5 percent or so of us will truly succeed, and I can tell you the names of some guys who won't. You have to be willing to suffer through the pain, and ultimately to change who you are. If you aren't willing to let that happen, there is no way you can get good.

So, after a few minutes, I saw Joshua Tree in the distance. I resolved to go in, and to open some sets. Once that happened, I could leave, and go home to sulk. I figured that it is kind of like riding a century two days in a row, just to get used to riding when you are in pain.

I went in, and suddenly got a rush of energy. I felt good - time to approach. The first set went reasonably well - I got blown out by a chodey AMOG who knew someone in the set. No problem, I was just getting warmed up. So I approached another set - a 3-set sitting at the bar.

This one went pretty well. The target, a really cute brunette, seemed pretty cool, and we were having a good conversation. But she was stepping back ever so slightly as we talked (eventually she was pushed up against the bar).

So, for some reason, I decided to stand next to her, also leaning against the bar. Suddenly she got much more animated, and pursued the conversation with me. Eventually, the set blew out, but that's not the point.

I realized right then what my problem was - I'm telegraphing too much interest. Girls are only attracted to you if they can't have you. Body posture, language, etc... It's all important. You can't act too interested, or they will lose interest. The funny thing is that Absolut_Beirut's natural friend told me the same thing a couple of weeks ago - it just didn't sink in until I rediscovered it on my own.

So tonight wasn't a total loss. In fact, I feel a lot better now.

Ejectulation Resolution

I think that one of my sticking points is that I eject from sets that are going well. Strangely enough, when a set is going poorly, I have no problem sticking around and basking in chodiness. When a set is going well, however, I don't want to fuck it up. And that's the problem; I get nervous and then eject. Game over. I never see the chick again, and the outcome is the same as if I blew out. Heck, I could probably approach her again on a different night in either case, and would probably start from the same place. As I have said before (possibly) not on this blog), every set is a practice set unless you close. And you never close if you eject. Ok, that's not 100% true - I've pulled the eject digit jack before, but it wasn't a real close (a jack is a time bridge, and nothing more). Maybe I could have had a kiss-close or SNL if I had stuck in the game longer.

So my resolution is that, for the next week, I won't eject from a set. Either I am blown out to the point where they back turn me or are actively ignoring me, or I close. If they leave, then I go for the digit jack. Or, fuck it. I'm going to stay.

None of this "nice to meet you" bullshit. No more of this "I ran a good set but blah blah blah."
I'm a closer.

Thoughts on Wings

So I've gone out with a pretty good number of guys since getting into this, and there is a wide variety in the quality of wings out there. I've spent some time over the past week or two thinking about what makes a good wing. Here are my thoughts:

1) A good wing is positive. He always gives you encouragement. He doesn't criticize you when you blow out of a set, or try to tell you what to do unless you ask for advice. He is always trying to pump your state. RSD has some good ideas about things to do with your wings.

2) A good wing approaches, and pushes you to approach. There are a number of really cool guys out there who either don't approach or don't approach enough. If you don't approach, you aren't going to get good at this. Success is directly correlated with the number of approaches. You need to approach until you no longer care about the outcome. At that point, AA no longer exists. Each night, you have to go through that again and again. For a newbie such as myself, I think that it takes about five approaches on a given night before you even start to hit that point. And I go out and approach A LOT.

When my wings and I go out, we take turns opening. I point out a set, and my wing approaches. Then he does the same thing for me. That's not to say that if I see a set while my wing is in set, I don't approach them (I do). It just helps if there is an expectation put on you to constantly be opening sets. The first approaches are always difficult, but once you get over them, all of the subsequent ones are much easier.

3) A good wing is socially calibrated. When he comes into your set, he doesn't attempt to steal your target or do something socially unacceptable to blow you out. You would be surprised how much it happens with some of the "wings" out there.

4) When you go out with good wings, you have fun and are always pushing your skils. If you aren't having fun (or aren't getting better), something needs to change.

Self Validation

So tonight I went out with my wing. We started opening, and things weren't going badly. Then, shortly after midnight, my wing pulled a chick out of the bar. For some reason, my state went to shit shortly after that. I opened a few more sets after that, and one seemed to go pretty well (until the friend pulled the girl away), but I just wasn't into it. So I went home - it wasn't a bad night. A few sets went quite well, but everyone seems to be graduating BU students who are leaving town in the next week or so, so not much is coming from that.

So I wonder what happened. Basically, I know that I am not internally validated enough. When my wing pulled, he was no longer there to give me validation, and subsequently my state fell off. I need to practice being internally validated - I think that the best way to do this is to go out by myself a lot. That way I don't need a wing to lean on or to support me.

I'm not sure what the status of my last 30-day challenge is (didn't keep good enough track), but I am closing a lot more numbers than I was before. A lot of flakes, but that's par for the course at this point. At least I'm moving forward.

I'm proud that I can open a set and pretty much hold it as long as I want, assuming not too many interrupts. My game has definitely come a long way in the past couple of weeks. I think that my next task is dealing with interrupts better.

30-day challenge:
Go out at least ten times by myself. Each time that I go out, I must attempt at least one digit jack and open a minimum of five sets.

Facade or Natural?

So one of my regular wings and I have very different strategies for developing our pickup ability. Given that we are both logical people (software engineers by trade), it is amazing how different our methodologies are.

In short, he wants to build the gold stack. Figure out a bulletproof series of routines and actions that will consistently and regularly lead to pulling girls. Its kind of like a choose-your-own-adventure; you need to have a routine for every situation, and know them all cold. You are constantly working, a master of technique.

I, on the other hand, am lazy. I consistently open with "Hey. how's it going?" and then wing it after that. I figure that my brain is smarter than my conscious mind, and through trial-and-error, I will improve. Over time, I self-analyze and notice weaknesses, and systematically correct these. As this is happening, my inner game evolves, and I get confident. I present the true me to every set - that "me" just gets better over time. Slowly but eventually, I will evolve into a person who excels in his relationships with women, and with people in general. Basically, it ends up being all inner game. I can talk about dumb and boring shit, but if I do it right, girls will be into me.

At their core, I think that the key to any sort of success is inner game. You can have the gold stack, but underneath it, you need to pull it off and be congruent with the frame you project. The problem with the "gold stack routines" are that once you ditch the gold stack, what are you left with? Do you have natural confidence, or are you dependent on your material for inspiration and confidence?

I think that the first way was the "old" way of doing things. The old masters such as Mystery and Style ran this way, and were ridiculously good at it. This worked for them, but they had to truly own it. I think that, to be really successful, you need to make up your own material. There are currently some products that build a stack out of your own material.

Let's dub the second way the "natural" method. How do naturals pick up? They obviously don't have a stack of routines canned and ready to go for all situations. They don't dance like a monkey to get girls to like them. They just come across as being cool, confident, and high value, and the cards fall where they will. They have interacted with women so much that they just sort of "know" what to say and do, without having to consciously think about it. And, you know what, they really enjoy it. I was talking to a girl last night, and I'm pretty sure that I could have escalated and tried to pull her. But I was having a good time, and we were vibing (I digit jacked with no problems, which means exactly zero at this point).

When I'm in set and in state, I don't need to worry about running out of material, because it all comes up ad hoc. The only times I run out of stuff to say are when I get nervous - in another thousand sets or so, I'm sure that will be behind me. Going out should be fun, and on quite a few nights, it is.

I think that the best guys do it this way. It isn't an act; you become your game.

Number Closing and Holding Sets

So tonight was another solid night where I made progress and pushed myself.

I went out with a large group, including such luminaries as Cafepuck, Ae82power, Inferno, P1an0hands, and Stratler. We went to a large and fairly loud club, and we started opening almost immediately. We ran game until there wasn't anything left to run. Puck, Inferno, and I kept pushing each other to open - its great to have dedicated wings to force you to open when you don't want to.

I digit jacked my first set. It was actually my second digit jack of the evening (the first was at an event I went to). I have a pattern forming where I digit jack the first set of the evening, and then coast. Maybe I decide that I have done well enough.

The next set I actually got rejected when I went for the digit jack. This was good, because it means that I am pushing myself beyond my boundaries. I am going for marginal numbers. In this case, I detected lukewarm interest from the target. She wasn't making very good conversation (actually, her interest peaked and then started to decline). I was kinoing a lot - maybe that turned her off because she was low energy.

I actually had a few sets that I managed to hold despite the girls not being too into me. This had something to do with me plowing, and something to do with the obstacle being taken up by my wing. One girl kept backing off. I was kinoing a lot. She didn't back off from the kino, but she wasn't all that into me. I don't know how to get these girls more into me. They all seemed to be fairly low energy (one was a seated set I opened and ran for 10-15 minutes. The other was a girl who wanted to go home)

Interestingly, I noticed that cuter girls will kino you when you open them. Even if I blow out in 5 seconds, sometimes I will open a girl with kino and get immediate kino back. I think that this has to do with their BT being jacked up by getting hit on all night. Less cute girls haven't been hit on nearly as much, and won't kino back.

I also got asked where I was from a bunch of times. This is what girls ask when they think you are cool and the conversation stalls. It is infinitely better than blowing out. Note to self: change the thread to something interesting when this happens.

We opened a lot of sets. Inferno was a blast to go out with. I think that we are getting a pretty good crowd together, and I think that my game is progressing well. I feel like I'm doing better every time I go out. The going is still slow, but I'm noticing little improvements on a regular basis.

Lessons Learned:
- Figure out how to deal with extremely high and low-energy sets. I put off a moderate chill vibe. Really energetic sets won't open. Really dull sets aren't interested in me. I need to control their energy.
- Go for the number close. This is my current challenge, and I'm not doing well enough. Keep asking for them digits.

Shit Show Sets

Sometimes I open a set, and it turns into a shit show. I would say that this happens once or twice a week. By this, I mean that the girls get really silly, and say and do all kind of strange things.

Last night I opened a mixed 3-set. One girl told me that she was there for her friends' 30th birthday. The girl didn't look 30 (it is possible that she was), and most of the people were there celebrating their impending college graduation (it was a bar right near the BU campus). I called bullshit, just for the hell of it. I asked them how they knew each other - the girl told me that the guy with her was her "pimp." At that point, I knew that I had lost the game (I attempted to shift the frame, and lost control of it). I played along for a while, and then ejected. I really need to learn how to handle these sets. If anyone has ideas, I'm game.

I'm not sure if it has to do with the girls in the set being drunk. Maybe it has to do with me coming across as a "player," and this is their defense mechanism. Whatever the case, it is unnerving when it happens.

On another note, I get the distinct impression that I put off a player vibe. I've gotten called out twice this week. I don't use any canned material, and run pretty much freeform conversation, so it isn't what I'm doing. I read about this on one of the forums somewhere. It appears to be a phase in a lot of guys' development.

Maybe it has to do with not being 100% congruent. Before I was a chode. Now I think that I'm confident and cool, but bits of the chode stick through every once in a while. Maybe the confidence comes across as a bit of act. No worries. I'm only about two months in at this point, and have a long way to go.

Another learning: ASK FOR THE FUCKING NUMBER
I didn't digit jack last night. There were at least three sets that were strong enough to digit jack (maybe four). This needs to become a habit.