Showing Interest and Embracing the Pain

So this post was going to be about how I'm frustrated and want to quit, but every time that happens, I come to a realization that puts me back on track. This isn't easy - we all have bad nights. I have had a bunch, or at least I have felt myself plateauing.

So I recently have gotten to a place where I can consistently open a set, hold it, and even get a number. I rarely run out of things to say any more, and can talk pretty much ad infinitum. But the number always flakes. Maybe I can get her to text me back, but Day 2s aren't really happening all that often. Its a numbers game, and I'm not winning on the numbers. This has been a source of great angst recently - what good is it to be able to talk to any girl you want if you can't get her to date you.

A lot of sets seem to be going well, but just fizzle out after a while. I know that I could get the number at the end of most of my sets, but I'm pretty sure that she won't ever pick up, so I often don't bother.

I have started noticing some patterns recently. Often times, I will be talking to a girl and kinoing/moving forward. She edges back slowly, even though she is clearly interested in me and what I'm saying. Tonight, I edged a girl back into the bar. It was sort of amusing, because she was reinitiating even as she moved back.

So I have known for a few days at least that the problem is insufficient attraction. But I couldn't figure out what was happening - I have gotten much better at giving sufficient kino, among other things. But things didn't click.

Let's go to tonight. I went to a house party at cafepuck's house. There were a bunch of attractive girls - I talked to several of them. Each time, I was able to engage them in conversation, but couldn't get attraction. I got frustrated after a while, and left. The T had stopped running, and I didn't have enough cash for a cab, so I walked back towards home.

On the walk back, I thought about quitting, throwing in the towel. Then I realized that everyone has times like this - it is what separates those who succeed from those who don't. Only 5 percent or so of us will truly succeed, and I can tell you the names of some guys who won't. You have to be willing to suffer through the pain, and ultimately to change who you are. If you aren't willing to let that happen, there is no way you can get good.

So, after a few minutes, I saw Joshua Tree in the distance. I resolved to go in, and to open some sets. Once that happened, I could leave, and go home to sulk. I figured that it is kind of like riding a century two days in a row, just to get used to riding when you are in pain.

I went in, and suddenly got a rush of energy. I felt good - time to approach. The first set went reasonably well - I got blown out by a chodey AMOG who knew someone in the set. No problem, I was just getting warmed up. So I approached another set - a 3-set sitting at the bar.

This one went pretty well. The target, a really cute brunette, seemed pretty cool, and we were having a good conversation. But she was stepping back ever so slightly as we talked (eventually she was pushed up against the bar).

So, for some reason, I decided to stand next to her, also leaning against the bar. Suddenly she got much more animated, and pursued the conversation with me. Eventually, the set blew out, but that's not the point.

I realized right then what my problem was - I'm telegraphing too much interest. Girls are only attracted to you if they can't have you. Body posture, language, etc... It's all important. You can't act too interested, or they will lose interest. The funny thing is that Absolut_Beirut's natural friend told me the same thing a couple of weeks ago - it just didn't sink in until I rediscovered it on my own.

So tonight wasn't a total loss. In fact, I feel a lot better now.