Life Lessons From The Field

Going out sarging a lot has taught me some important life lessons, which extend far beyond pickup.

Judgment
The first is that people are too judgmental. When I went back to visit my family, it was interesting to hear how they talked about their friends. Now, I wouldn't say that my family is particularly judgmental; they are all pretty open-minded. But still, I was surprised to hear some of their criticisms of other people. I try to put myself in other peoples' shoes, and think about how they feel. Regardless, each person's life is just that, his or her life, and he or she has the power to make the decisions that he or she feels fit to make.

I've talked to a lot of people of varied backgrounds (at least 5-600 over the past four months), and it is amazing how much difference and variety exists. But that difference is what makes us human; we should embrace it. Don't criticize people who make decisions that are different from yours. They have different reasoning and motivation, and will come up with a different solution to the same problem. Maybe it isn't the solution that you would have reached; in fact, maybe it is better. And, so long as it doesn't affect you, its none of your business.

The only thing that I criticize is hypocrisy. There are plenty of hypocrits out there, or people who say things and don't follow through. That still bothers me - maybe I need to work on letting go of that.

Jealousy and the Abundance Mentality
The second is that you need to let go of all jealousy for other people. This is more of the abundance mentality; there is plenty of success for everyone to achieve beyond his wildest dreams. However, it seems almost nature to be jealous of other peoples' accomplishments. If your buddy experiences success, you feel a twinge of jealousy. This isn't healthy, and you have to get over it. I have been working hard - maybe one day I will rid myself of it.

On a related note, everyone progresses at his or her own pace. In the community, there are guys out there who have success a lot faster than others. Some people were "senior" by the time that they had been in the community for as long as I have, and some hadn't yet had their first lay. Some of the best guys took the longest to improve, and others came in with mad skills and were semi-naturals. Some guys write their first LR two days after joining the community, and some take months or even years. I have been learning to accept that, and to not worry about how anyone else is doing. I just worry about how I'm doing - am I meeting my goals, and progressing?

Mastery
I recently read the book Mastery, by George Leonard. He talks about "The Keys to Success and Long-Term Fulfillment" - I would highly recommend it to everyone (TD recommended it on his blog). One interesting thing is that he talks about teaching. When you teach someone who progresses slowly, you learn more than when you teach someone who progresses quickly. You get to see every stage of learning and sticking point, nothing is skipped or obscured. In the end, even the slow learner has plenty of time to achieve mastery at just about anything he puts his mind to. Even if it takes me five years to get good at this, what is that? Plenty of guys didn't get into this until they were five years older than I am.

The thing that seems to make you good is how much you want it, and how hard you are willing to push. I'm willing to push pretty damn hard, and I know that excellence will come if I let it.